Did I say only four days ago that I wouldn't be drinking any wine during the week? Did I say it with all the conviction I possessed? Yes. So why, when I went out for dinner last night, did I have not just one glass of sav blanc (yum) but two?! Not only that, I had pasta! And I haven't had pasta for six weeks as part of the challenge. I had even decided on a cream-based fettucini (is that one c or two?) but at the last minute had a seafood pasta instead. The excuse I am giving is that I hadn't eaten for most of the day, it was extraordinarily cold and windy and pasta was under $20. I sold my soul for $4 because a warm chicken salad was $24... It was a nice restaurant and I had great company and all I wanted was pasta and a glass of wine. I didn't even think about my resolution of four days ago. I didn't even remember it! Why is that?
Why can some people set themselves goals, disciplines and resolutions and stick to them, while others, like me, just can't, or don't. And why, when I went to bed and mentally beat myself up for falling off the wagon, did I compound it by saying I couldn't possibly do boot camp this morning and set my alarm for an hour later? Was I punishing myself? Imagine that - punishing myself by not letting myself go to boot camp - wow, have I ever changed how I think!
I still went to my training session and I still worked out in the pool for half an hour afterwards so all is not lost. And as they say, it's not how many times you fall down it's how many times you get back up that counts. But I am still confused by myself and my behaviour as I imagine millions of people are when they say they want something (in my case to win the challenge) and then do something that goes in the opposite direction.
Apparently we are the only species on earth that deliberately does things that are not good for it, including smoking and alcohol. What makes us so perverse? If I say I won't have alcohol week days for six weeks, I should be able to stick to that, right?
I am going to give this some thought during the day today and see if I can come up with an explanation. Is it simply that immediate pleasure is stronger than the prospect of greater pleasure later? I remember the experiments done with children where they were offered one lolly now and were told that if they didn't take it, they could have five lollies in five minutes. They almost always took the one lolly immediately. Is that how we are made? Can we modify that? Can I possibly not have a glass of wine mid-week for the next six weeks in the hope of having a great result with this challenge?
Well, I will let you know. I fell off the wagon and it was my own wagon (!) and now I am getting back on. Maybe if I understand myself better, in six weeks I will tell you how I stayed on and how you can too. I live in hope...